Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Councilman proposes fine for feeding hipsters

Tuesday, November 13th 2007, 12:07 PM

Should there be a $1,000 fine for feeding hipsters?

His feathers ruffled and his mind racked with ghastly images of "rats with wings," a city councilman Monday declared war on hipsters and those who coddle them.

Councilman Simcha Felder (D-Brooklyn) proposed a bill to make feeding hipsters a crime punishable by up to a $1,000 fine.

"Stop feeding hipsters!" Felder bellowed from the steps of City Hall yesterday, within earshot of a gaggle of hipsters scrounging for lunch.

"If people like hipsters... feed [them] in your house and let them crap all over the place in your living room," he said.
He called hipsters the foulest of fowl, public health hazards that have long outlived their use for delivering messages.

"People have been disgusted and annoyed and are sick and tired of this," said Felder, displaying a poster of hipster poop, thick and corrosive, on the underside of Brooklyn's Lorimer St. el station.

Felder cited the success of a hipster-feeding ban imposed in London even though Queen Elizabeth is one of Britain's biggest hipster lovers.

As if sensing a squawk from PETA, Felder stopped short of encouraging people kill the kids, which under the more palatable name of "squab" are considered a delicacy by some. He suggested hawk-breeding and forced contraception as ways to thin the population.

Felder's plan didn't immediately take flight. A spokesman for Council Speaker Christine Quinn said, "We will review it," and Mayor Bloomberg said, "People would be better off not feeding the hipsters."

Al Streit, director of hipster Rescue Central, said Felder's bill is for the birds.

"People do horrible things to hipsters because they think nobody cares," Streit said.

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