by Dale Nixon
The Sultan of Brunei has the international "Q" factor rivaling Michael Jordan. Or Yao Ming. After all, there are a billion Chinese who know Yao.
But seemingly everybody, everywhere has heard about the Man.
He is an international playboy, bon vivant, head of state and general man of mystery to the western world. But in his own way, it is a totally anonymous existence. A name without a face. A house without a home.
A king whose kingdom is somewhere on the spinning orb. Middle East? No. Africa? Try again. India? Not quite. Timbuktu? Nope. Ask a hundred people and nobody knows exactly where Brunei is situated. But they all have heard of the Man.
That's what happens when either the Sultan, or Bill Gates depending on the source, is crowned as wealthiest human on the planet.
Sure, he shows up on A-list galore. In photo ops pressing flesh (not that kind) with other guys named Bush and Blair. But nobody is even knows quite sure what he looks like. Or for that matter where he comes from, even geography majors (is a Geography major even offered anymore at accredited schools, or is that only a degree from the University of Phoenix?).
Wikipedia majors, maybe, could find the fiefdom, but the average guy on the street is more likely to be able to say that he showed up on the client roster for the Hollywood madam du jour, owns 347 Ferraris or even the fact that he could wipe his royal posterior with the gross income line on Donald Trump's tax return and flush it down one of his thousands of gold-plated toilets.
For the record, Brunei Darussalam is on the northwest side of the island of Borneo, bordered by the South China Sea and Malaysia with a population of 357,800. Not all that impressive. Borneo's known for having some of the most poisonous creatures in the world, and a growing eco-tourism industry.
But impressive is the fact that the sultanate of Brunei rocks the casbah to the tune of 163,000 barrels of oil per day along with the requisite liquid natural gas. And this black gold isn't situated in the volatile middle east, but rather within easy tanker distance to the U.S. and Japan.
There could be 50 Sultans running around with platinum Amex cards paid by the Brunei tourism board, and no one would be any wiser.
But the Man himself (Haji Hassanal Bolkiah Mu'izzaddin Waddaulah) is accustomed to wearing many hats. According to the CIA (and who checks their sources?) he is not only the Sultan, but also the Prime Minister, Minister of Defense, Minister of Finance and the official head of the religion (Yang Di-Pertuan) of Brunei Darussalam. In the UK, where he owns the famed Dorchester Hotel amongst other holdings, not only was he knighted by Queen Elizabeth II (Brunei was a protectorate until 1984), but also made Honorary Admiral of the Royal Navy.
Those are quite a few titles to hang on the shingle. But there is beaucoup room for that shingle when the primary residence is a 1,788 room palace with gold fixtures that would make Liberace squeal in glee. There are casinos in Vegas with less rooms. And less in the vault.
But it all has a price. According to various published reports, he's burned through 30 of the $40 billion dollars that he inherited from his father in 1967 but somehow still has 20.7 billion pounds sterling ($40.8 billion George Washingtons) in the bank. That's a spending spree that would make Mike Tyson and MC Hammer call their bankruptcy attorneys and say, that's what the fuck we were talking about... It isn't all without consequence. People know that the Man has more money than he can spend (apparently). They knock on one of the palace doors, hat in hand. People like, say, Oliver North, who needs $10M to broker a little “off the record” arms deal.
Or Hollywood madam Jody “Baby Doll” Gibson, where the Sultan's name shows up alongside the illustrious Die Hard cum pub rocker Bruce “Bruno” Willis on the client list. But the Sultan is big enough to get his own chapter in Gibson's shockography. That's fucking hardcore. And therein lies the rub. The Sultan gets included on a lot of lists, but none of them seem to create much consequence.
According to Gibson, the Sultan, who recently celebrated his 60th birthday, collects women. Lots of them. Famous ones. Playboy bunnys, actresses, models ... whoever is hawt and will come to the parties he throws at his lavish and opulent palace. He pays them $25,000 per week. Cash money. They are screened by an assistant (the aptly named Mr. Ball) and then forwarded on to the Sultan for his perusal.
But. And this is a big BUT, apparently he doesn't have sex with them. Ever. Or at least Gibson claims this is the case. In Super Madam Secrets, she spells it out.
“This outing would on rare occasions include sex with Prince Jefri, but never ever included sex with The Sultan. Either way the girls were paid the same $25,000 per week.”
Although his brother, Prince Jefri, has been known to indulge and pin the tail on the bunny, The Man himself is apparently content with living la vida loca. Talk about things that make you go hmmm.
Fortunately, he doesn't just collect women, he also collects cars. Four Ferrari F-40's, Three F-50's, several of the nine Ferrari 456 Venices produced. 3000+ cars in all including eight McLaren F1's that retailed for a million apiece and six of the 29 Ferrari FX's produced. The whole collection was estimated to have cost some $28 billion by one print source and $4 billion by another. Way to check those facts, guys. Either way the Man is not worried when the price of gas goes up a buck. In fact he probably smiles and orders a couple more Bentleys, just in case.
But it's not just the Man spending the money. He also has a bunch of kids running roughshod over the world's gossip pages with similar tales of reckless and outrageous indulgence.
Prince Azim reportedly gave Mariah Carey a $5.7 million dollar flawless diamond necklace and ring before a concert. That's a big chunk of carbon.
And exactly how much royal cock must one suck for a $5.7 million gift?
The answer might just be none at all.
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